Ranch House Lust Review

Ranch House Lust (2006)

I'll get straight to the point. This film is boring.

Shall I elaborate? It's painfully boring. It's boring even when watched at three times the speed. It's so boring I found myself wishing I could do the ironing instead of watching this film.

Ranch House Lust is the first film from Lennox Studios, a branch of Inpulse Pictures. Nina Lennox used to work for VCA Pictures before starting Inpulse in 2004. Her films feature the slogan "Erotic entertainment for women who enjoy men."

Unfortunately, Lennox has decided that the only thing necessary to make a porn movie appealing to women is for the camera to focus more on the male stars. While that's welcome, it's not enough for me, and it's definitely not enough to save Ranch House Lust.

This movie is set on a ranch somewhere and features three rural-themed sex scenes. One features a guy riding up on a horse, one has a couple doing it near a tractor, and one has a "back at the ranch house" setting, with candles and wine.

The biggest problem is that each scene goes for about half an hour. That's a LONG time to watch someone having sex. Great if you're actually doing it, not so good to watch. I was convinced these people's genitals were about to start smoking, the pumping went on for so long. There's only about two position changes per scene.

While there's some nice kissing, the pairings are mostly passionless affairs. The women don't have orgasms, and if they're not doing that endless moaning thing, they're looking bored. The guys are cross eyed and doing sums in their head, trying not to come.

There was a nice bit of cunnilingus in the third scene - Joey Ray gets his face right in there - but he's obliged to stop so they can get to the intercourse, which we all know is vitally important and cannot be missed.

Nope, I didn't like this one bit. I finished watching it and felt like demanding 90 minutes of my life back.

Nina, if you read this... please, please try harder in the future. We women WANT you to succeed, but it's hard to support you when you give us endless penetrative sex scenes with no female orgasms.

Starring: Jezebelle Bond, Katin, Taylor Lynn, Joey Ray, John West
Directed by: Sindee Cox
Studio: Lennox Films

Available From
Ms Naughty: DVD
Sex Superstore: DVD

 

Reviewed August 2006